Lockdown and parenthood 10.6.20

Im going round in circles today, mostly picking up crap from the boys bedrooms. I thought I would pause for 5 minutes and write down this jumble of thoughts bouncing around in my brain – just in case there might be someone else out there who might be feeling the same way…….it’s good to share.

I think this is week 12….maybe its 13?  Geez i have actually lost count, but regardless, its been a bloody long time.  And in that time, at home with my three young children I have learned an awful lot about myself.

I honestly used to envy stay at home mums, jealous of their beautiful, sweet days spent playing with their little ones, perhaps organising a closet, a little trip to the shops, a coffee, casual reading, cooking, baking, a walk through the park….

‘ahhhh’ said I to myself many, many times, ‘wouldn’t that be lovely, not having to work’ but its a fantasy really isn’t it?

Over the course of this past few weeks I have punished myself many an evening thinking:-

‘I haven’t done any work today’  ‘Im neglecting my business’ ‘I should be posting new content’ I should be replying to emails, organising the studio, promoting myself like all the other photographers are doing’  so many punishing thoughts because I let myself feel like I hadn’t had a productive day when in fact…….just take today so far……

I have got up after a very sleep deprived night, let the dog out, lifted his poo, fed and played with him, got three kids up, dressed, fed, loaded the dishwasher, unloaded the dishwasher, picked up clothes and toys that are lying everywhere, done a load of washing, hung washing out on line, brought washing in again because the smell of slurry would knock you out, rewashed those clothes, changed a bed, brushed a skid mark of the toilet bowl,

HOMESCHOOLED ( enough said, you all know)

Put Evie for a sleep, made lunch, currently writing blog and viewing dishes from lunch still to be done……it goes on and on doesn’t it? yet we think we do nothing because we do SO many little things which go unnoticed. The constant cooking, cleaning and the never ending laundry. Sometimes I literally have just finished clearing up when its time to start cooking all over again.

Over this past 12 or whatever it is weeks I think I’ve felt every emotion there is to feel.

At the beginning I had this list in my head of all I would get done from organising the hot press and everyones wardrobes, to revamping the studio and blogging every wedding I shot last year and finally, finally clearing out the messy drawer in the kitchen, but none of that happened.  The day just goes in so very quickly, being a mum ( or the stay at home parent) and running a home is the busiest job in the world. Truly.

So I am no longer going to allow myself to feel guilty about what I haven’t done, and instead remind myself of all the things I did do, irrelevant as they may seem to others, keeping your kids happy and balanced during this strange time hasn’t been easy so well done to you all if you have been in the same boat as myself. We’re doing good!

There were days I was full of ideas and energy and trekking them through rivers and forests and bug hunts and catching frogspawn, bike rides, painting, creating, reading, dancing and if you follow my insta stories you may have seen a lot of that, but there were other days when I felt so drained I happily told them they could play the playstation for 3 hours if they gave me peace. I didn’t story those days.

There were days I realised Richard was a much better parent than I was and my heart sank as they hung on his every word and completely ignored me when I asked them to do something. But I have since discovered our parenting styles compliment and balance each other well, and i’ve just had to learn not to be such a soft touch all the time to gain a little respect from my boys.

It’s been a rollercoaster. I am happy to get off now. Get back to work and all the extra  juggling that may entail. I am lucky enough to be shooting my first wedding again very soon and I cannot wait!!!!

I think this picture of our busted up paddling pool says its all really – lockdown you were good crack for a while…..but i’m kinda done with you now.

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I hear the sweet sounds of Evie chatting through the monitor now.

Have a wonderful day

ex

Happy New Year 31.12.19

They say time flies when you’re having fun…if thats the case then I’ve been having a lot of fun in 2019 for honestly – I do not know how its New Years eve already??!

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Without a doubt this has felt like the fastest year of my life so far…most likely because my days are filled to the absolute brim, Im a self employed mum of three, running a business, taking care of a family and though I love every second – it is busy.

By the time I had reached mid December I just felt utterly burnt out – didn’t want to admit it, but I was exhausted.  Luckily i’ve had the good sense to keep this time over the holidays free from shoots and meetings.  Ive had lie ins, watched movies, done activities with the kids, enjoyed lots of family time, ate lovely home cooked dinners ( and a whole lot of chocolate) and I’m slowly getting my house back to an acceptable level of tidy.  It has been wonderful – and just a few more days of this before I return to normality, but I feel ready to go again.  A wee rest does us so much good – never underestimate the power of a few days off.

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So as always, I like to look through all the work Ive shot throughout the year and share some of my favourite moments with you.  I may have said this before – but I LOVE to do this – most of the year I spend shooting and editing and sending the job out and rarely do I look through them again until this time of year – I nearly forget what I have shot and astonish myself that I do so much.

It’s a mixed bag of images – but if you follow me – then you will know that I love variety – I don’t think I could ever specialise in only one area.  Looking through these, my eyes have welled up a few times, some have made me laugh out loud – bringing me back into that moment again, all these images i’m very proud to have shot and privileged that these amazing people asked me to take them. This isn’t nearly the half of it and if I have missed including your session in this please forgive me – There are literally thousands of images to go through and still a few December sessions to edit.

To all who have supported me over all these years please know how thankful I am and I truly mean that.  I wake up with gratitude in my heart every single morning and it’s for the simple things that I have, my family, a warm home, food to eat, a job a love.  I never take any of these things for granted. Never.  Im not making resolutions or a wish list for 2020 – there’s nothing I need…just more of the same please and continued good health for all my loved ones.

I wish you all a very Happy, healthy 2020 and I am so excited to meet and photograph a whole new crop of faces and places for next year. x

PS:- Thank you so much that my inbox is once again full of fresh enquires, Congratulations to all those who got big shiny diamonds this Christmas – i’m working my way through the emails so you will hear from me very soon x

 

 

 

 

Rogan is 6!

My dearest wee Rogan, your blog is now a week late because I just cannot seem to get at my computer at all lately – i’m so sorry……It’s been a week of non stop shoots, a wedding and two sick boys ( you and Brody).  High temps, sore throats, vomitting…the works 😦 But i’m MAKING […]

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Brody is nine. 21.10.19

Nine whole years of knowing, loving and raising this amazing boy.  I cannot tell you how proud and blessed we feel. Every. Single. Day. You are just a lovely human being Brody and it is a pleasure to be your mum. So this year, you cry a lot less, you talk back a little more, […]

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Evie is one! 10.8.19

So our beautiful little girl has turned one today.  I cannot believe how quickly this year has gone by – i’m a teensy bit emotional about it – the tiny little baby stage is over, but every day there’s something new so I do love watching her develop and grow too.  I’ve just enjoyed every […]

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Tracy & Mark

This seems so long ago now, and yet only a blink.  This was a very special wedding and one I have been trying to blog for a long time.  This was the last of my ‘pre Evie’ weddings.  I was 38 weeks pregnant and lets face it – I was enormous! Thankfully Tracy is one […]

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Happy New Year! 1.1.2019

For the past week or so I have been flicking though my 2018 hard drive and picking out my favourites for my end of year blog. Never an easy task, but always a very enjoyable and very satisfying part of my year. Since I was pregnant for half the year and on maternity leave the […]

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Rogan is FIVE!

Let me tell you something.  This is a statement which comes out of our Rogan at least twenty times a day.  ” Mummy, let me tell you something……”  It is then followed by an interesting fact, for example ” Mummy, let me tell you something……do you know the blue whale is the largest mammal?” It […]

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Brody is 8! 21.10.18

Today this beautiful boy turned eight years old, so in keeping with my kids birthday traditions we will ALWAYS find 5 minutes (and in this case more like 3 minutes) to take a few pics in the studio to mark the occasion.   Brody is a pro at this now – he just gets on […]

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Annabel May 18′

So I think its fair to say that sunshine brings out the best in me and I am loving every single ray coming our way lately….. Annie and I rescheduled this shoot three times in order to get the light we wanted and I’m so happy we waited for it. Capturing beautiful little Annabel at […]

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